Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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