pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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