I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
