I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
