if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
