Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
