If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
