Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
