if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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