You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
