my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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