make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
