WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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