i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
