we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
id be glad to
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
