weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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