I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
