I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
