Buhtt sex?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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