I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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