We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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