Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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