i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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