So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
