Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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