I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
