i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
