i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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