mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I puked a lego.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The beers last night were like the tears from god
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
