The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you will always have a special place in my vag
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
