it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
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I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
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He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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