he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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