We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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