This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
