sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
