Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
