i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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