she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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