I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
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So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Everclear isn't food dammit
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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