"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
