Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
