Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
