I'm jealous of your bromance
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
