he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
