quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
