just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
