Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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