I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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