hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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