Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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