just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
