I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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