i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
