Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
