can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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