when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize