I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
