she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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