Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
