Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
