I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
