Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
whose ass print is on the piano?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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