Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
