I'm laying in your front yard are you home
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
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working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
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I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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