I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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