i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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