I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
