Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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