ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
