walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
