i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
