TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
