Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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