More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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