Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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