she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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